BIG GIRL by Danniel Steel - not a Book Review

(Spoilers Ahead)

Big Girl is a story about a girl named Veronica, the difficulties she faces, and trauma she goes through because of her size(overweight) as they call. For being different from her family, for making choices that aren't worthy enough to flaunt by her parents. It is not a book review. Rather some thought processes, key takeaways, learnings that I thought I would share. So the book is really a good read, starts with distasteful annotations and ends all happy. It speaks of the inner conflicts of the girl to external prejudice in her life.

 

BIG GIRL by Danielle Steel

So here are the main things that I wanted to talk about.

1. How negative words make a home in our hearts.

Words can act as both Venom and Elixir. The words you use, the way you say, the timing, the context, the sarcasm involved, and everything affects the person on to whom these words are used. Whoever you are, someone close to the person or even not. But they often leave a mark on their hearts. Mainly the negative ones. People sometimes may don't want to hurt them, the comments may not be intentional, but when they are slipped, you can't take them back. These words make a home, brick by brick, and destroy them mentally and emotionally. You may have said them years ago, but those words keep on ringing in their ears till their last breath. They destruct people, makes them lose confidence, belief and make them self-deprecating. They start to believe that they aren't enough all their lives.

So, use your words carefully.

“.. All you know is your parents telling you that you're not deserving, you're not worthy, and no one will ever want you. Believe me, tapes like that play so loud, you can't hear anything else. Even when it's clear otherwise.” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

2. Importance of individuality

It's so embarrassing to say this, but I always believed my opinion isn't valued, that my decisions aren't good enough, my choices are poor. I often depend on people in my life to make decisions for me. I agreed with what they said because they were always better than mine. But when I look back into my life now, I don't find myself in it. Different people are compensating for me. Now I'm trying to mend it, to make decisions, to make mistakes, to have different perspectives. I'm learning this all. But trust me if I say, depending on someone else for your life's choices is same as a living dead body. It is okay sometimes to ask help from others, but the final decision should be yours.

“I'm one of them. The weirdos and the freaks. My point was that it's ok to be different, and from now on we'd better be, if we're going to make something of ourselves. It's the one thing I learned in school. Different is ok. -Victoria” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

3. How this society considers being chubby is unhealthy

What if I have broad shoulders, big boobs or butt, am I not beautiful the way I'm? Reminding people to not eat heavy, to make diets, to maintain a proper shape is so ridiculous. Not only being chubby but also being skinny became a problem now. I am very skinny, and I hear so many comments from people. Calling me a skeleton, ghost, making fun of me saying I would fly away even with a gentle breeze, asking my mother to give me proper food. I have endured all this. This isn't easy always even to the people like me to shrug it off and laugh with them. Some bodies don't change no matter what they eat, and how much they eat. Why can't people just understand and love others the way they are? Saying being lean or chubby is unhealthy is so wrong.

“Her father said, whenever the subject came up, that if she'd lose some weight, she'd find a boyfriend. She knew that wasn't necessarily the case, since plenty of girls who had perfect figures and were half her size couldn't find a boyfriend. And other girls who were overweight were happily married, engaged or had significant others.Romance, she knew, wasn't directed tied to your weight, there were a lot of other factors.” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

4. Having Goals and living for them.

Not everyone has goals. With this statement, I mean that not everyone has an aim to grow as a person. Someone's goal is to marry a man/woman of her/his dreams, others are to travel the world, become a professional in something, learn something new etc. Idk, if my words are making justice to my thoughts, but goals are as important as breathing is to live. Have targets, believe them achieving, accomplish them, live for them. Make new ones, fulfil them. Don't make somebody else's dream yours nor theirs your. Be on your own. Dream big. Even if the world considers yours to be silly, dream, for yourself, for your satisfaction, for your happiness. Remember it's never too late, never too young, nor too old. A goal is a dream to be fulfilled no matter what. Dare to dream.

5. Home is not always a safe place. (It can be toxic too)

People always refer to home as a safe place. As a cocoon to hide in, the shelter that shields us from the predators. But what if the predator is inside the four walls what they named home. What if it is the cage that stopping us from flying. When running away and living in distant lands seems a wonderful option, does suffering in the rots necessary? Home is not always a safe place for some people, it can be toxic to them. Maybe sometimes that's what the reason behind someone's unacceptance to be at home, choosing to be a nomad, a hippie.

“.. As far as they're conserned, I've been kind of a poor second best all my life, or I don't qualify at all compared to my brother. It's rough being around them and feeling like you never measure up." Collin” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

6. How the same people affect different people differently. (Veronica's parents towards her and her sister)

Then there is this person around whom you feel uncomfortable, and the same person gives the feeling of home for the other person. It's evident because their priorities and preferences to the people reflect their treatment towards certain people. But what if the person is a parent who should treat all his children with equal love and all? Yeah! When the parent is the one who shows the difference between his children, in who else will they find their solace? The difference the parent showed effects the life of the kid who is less loved, more compared. All their lives they question their existence. At some point in the book, even the character thinks if she is an outcast, some adopted child. This shows how much it leaves a mark on the child's mind.

“.. that terrible feeling that you're not good enough to be loved by the people you love most, and eventually by anyone else.” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

7. Wrong influences. (Father on Gracie, Harry on Gracie)

When we love people, we tend to unsee their flaws, their mistakes. We try to find all the good in them. When someones try to point it out, we think they are jealous of all this love, or they maybe don't want you to be happy. We don't once expect that they might be right, we support our loved ones. In this whole process, we don't know that we sometimes become them. We unknowingly develop their habits, their influence on us will be projected through our actions. We do what they think is right, what they say is, right. We act for them. All the other people to us become someone who is trying to separate you and all. You don't know what's right and what's wrong, because you are under the influence which you don't know. 

Love shouldn't blind your eyes, it should make you see everything clearly.

8. The difficulty of self-love, self-acceptance, self-belief.

Oh! How disgraceful, you can't even do that? OMG! Leave from here, go to your room, people will think you are one of us. Hey! Are you eating again? Look at your size. Not only these but also there are several other things you might hear when you are unwanted. Because someone already made sure to make you think you are unwanted, unworthy, an outcast. Right from your childhood listening to people telling that you are disgusting, you can't do things and several other things that hurt you, they become a part of you as you grow old. And you forget what it is to be loved, to be cherished even by yourself. You had never known about the concept of self-love, self-acceptance and every other thing that is about you. You have been forced to believe something you are not, and now you can't unhear it, and you can't think you are something beautiful that God has created. When someone comes into your life to show this all, but you don't believe it because how does one person saying this changes all the other things everyone said? 

Do you know how difficult it is to believe in ourselves, to love, to accept who we are, as it is? And feeding everything opposite since birth, now asking us why we are so hard on ourselves, why we are a pessimist. We search for compassion that we don't get from ourself.

9. It is okay to go to therapy.

Somethings eat up our mind. They feed on you as a whole, draining you day by day to a stage where you can't pull yourself together to do the regular chores. We don't talk about it, because we don't know what's actually happening with us. And then one day it becomes worse, and someone who cares notices asks you to seek professional help. But that means you are going mental, people will think you are insane. I don't want to do it. It's not what I want.

Here, it sounds crazy for thinking like that but, we don't want anybody's help at that time(yes, we do need), at least we think we don't. Seeking therapy is not what that is considered, good. But also only therapy helps the right kind. Talking to a stranger who is ready to listen without judging you and helping you come out of it, helping you learn self-love, helping you clear the clutter. It really helps. And it is really okay to go to therapy.

10. We can have control over only our life.

Your sister is making the wrong choices. She is about to ruin her life. You know that, but she isn't seeing it. She thinks what she is doing is right, You explain, try to convince her, let her see the other options she has. But she is stubborn, determined to do what she thinks is right. Now, what do you do? Nothing. You tried to do everything you can, but she is not ready to hear you out. Then it's not your problem. You have to leave it to her. Obviously, you just own your life, and you just have control over your life, only your life.

11. Someone is always there for you to stand for you.

Life is short. You have to live it while you can, not by mourning over the lost things nor past things. We witness so many ups and downs, we become the victim to the societal standards. We push ourselves hard to reach heights, we fall, we cry, we hope for better things, we try again. We become cautious, learn from our mistakes, and there is so much more to it. After all of this mess, the thought that there is one person who loves you for who you are, and accepts you for what you are, becoming your backbone, fighting for you, fighting alongside you is bliss. And there will definitely be one person in everyone's life who becomes a pillar of your strength and stand for you, who thinks you are worth fighting for. The right person will find you wherever you are, so don't cry over the wrong ones you thought right.

“Victoria heard across the wedding reception dance floor "You're loveable"!” 

― Danielle Steel, Big Girl

You can also learn so much more than this. If you keep your eyes and mind open.

© Sushritha Danturi

A wildflower, seeking home

Let me hear from you, your stories. Mail me @sushmigoud10@gmail.com

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